Inherited Stories
The narratives that shaped us vs. the ones we choose.
My background in psychology and evolutionary anthropology gave me an early awareness of something that took years to fully understand: the stories we carry about ourselves in our relationships are rarely entirely our own.
They arrive early. Through the way our parents loved each other and us. Through what was said and what wasn't. Through who we were in our family system and what we learned to do to belong. Through the cultural messages that arrived so early and so constantly we absorbed them before we had words for what we were absorbing.
These are the inherited stories. And they run invisibly beneath the surface of every relationship we're in.
The story about how much space we're “allowed” to take up. About what we have to do to “earn” love. About whether our needs are “legitimate” or “inconvenient”. About who we “have” to be to belong.
In evolutionary anthropology and attachment research, this is well-established territory. The relational patterns we absorb earliest become the templates through which we experience every significant relationship thereafter. The patterns run before the mind translates them. They are, in the language of The Resonance Signal, dissonance we inherited rather than resonance we created and we have the Self-Authority, Values and Intuition to re-tune.
The work isn't to erase these stories. That's not possible, they contain real wisdom about where we came from. The work is to become conscious of them. To hold them up to the light and ask, with genuine curiosity rather than judgment: is this still true? Is this still mine? Is this the story I want to carry into the relationships that matter most to me now?
Because you get to choose. Not all inherited stories need to be released. But they all need to be examined. And the ones that are keeping you small, keeping you performing, keeping you from being truly known, those are the ones that deserve a closer look.
The question I'm offering you this week:
Which inherited story about relationships is ready to be examined, and perhaps rewritten?
This week's meditation, Your Grateful Heart, is a compassionate practice designed to create gratitude for the stories you choose. Find it on The Resonance Grove podcast.
We're in Week 2 of 4 in the Relationships as Mirrors arc. If you're joining mid-journey, Week 1 is in your archive: Being Truly Seen.
Where in your life do you want to re-write the story? I’d love to hear from you. I read and respond to every email I receive.
With warmth & gratitude,
JaKenna
Founder & CEO of The Gilbert Collaborative
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Explore my recent article for deeper reading / Resonance as Biology: What does it actually mean to feel like yourself and is there science behind it?
