Belonging to Yourself
The foundation of every relationship that matters.
Belonging.
The word points toward something we usually experience as relational. A sense of being accepted, included and genuinely known by others. Something that lives between people. Something someone else grants you or withholds.
Belonging, at its truest, is something you grant yourself. It's the settled, unearned sense of being at home in your own life. Of not needing to perform a version yourself in a room, because you already know you have a right to be there. Of showing up as you actually are, rather than a carefully managed version of yourself, because your sense of place in the world doesn't depend on anyone else's approval.
When you belong to yourself first, everything in your relationships changes.
You show up more fully and more honestly, because the relationship doesn't depend on performing a version of yourself into acceptance. You're more generous, because you're giving from resonance rather than deficit. And you're better company, because you're actually present.
This is what belonging to yourself feels like and it’s the foundation from which every relationship that truly matters is built.
This month has been about relationships as mirrors. And here, at the end of the arc, is what I believe the mirror shows most clearly:
The quality of your relationships is a reflection of the quality of your relationship with yourself.
Belong to yourself first. Everything else follows.
What does it feel like to belong to myself? And what becomes possible in my relationships from that place?
This newsletter is the last of a four-week arc, Relationships as Mirrors. If you’re just tuning in, the previous weeks are worth reading in order: Week 1: Being Truly Seen / Week 2: Inherited Stories / Week 3: Who You Choose.
This week’s meditation, Finding Your Inner Resonance, is an invitation to connect with your most resonant self. Find it on The Resonance Grove podcast.
Curious about building a more aligned, more resonant relationship with yourself? I’d love to hear from you. I read and respond to every email I receive.
With warmth & gratitude,
JaKenna
Founder & CEO of The Gilbert Collaborative
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Explore my recent article for deeper reading / Resonance as Biology: What does it actually mean to feel like yourself and is there science behind it?
